This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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