No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
