so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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