nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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