My friends, they love my intelligence
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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