Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
