i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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