I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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