This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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