So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
