Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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