we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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