We're facebook friends in real life
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
