I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
