There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
