The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
