love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
