Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
and she was petting her beer can
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
