I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
