She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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