..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I intend to get homeless drunk
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
