he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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