Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
