I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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