You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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