Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
ttyl tear gas
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
