Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
