On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
