Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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