I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
