I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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