my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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