wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
