Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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