Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
