I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
