Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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