I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Enjoy the penises
You grabbed my dick don't call me son