party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.