i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????