Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
