all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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