Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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