We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
