S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
