:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
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Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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