I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize