This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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