How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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