did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
