I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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