Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
