check it out our google latitudes are spooning
After last night, I could never be a politician.
my being single is dangerous.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
