So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
