It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
