I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
