Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
