Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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