im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
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