WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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