So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
