i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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