i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
