Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
