ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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