i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
