you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
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The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
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My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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