once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
