I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
