So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
